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I have found, as a special needs mum, that positive action words are MOST effective when trying to communicate with higher needs children.

 

 

Let's walk through some examples of language changes (it's hard, I know, but practice, practice, practice!)

 

 

BALL GAMES

 

• The child is distracted - instead of "Look at the teacher" we want the child to focus on the object - the ball. "Look at the ball". This is especially effective when working with children who need help developing their hand/eye coordination.

 

• The child isn't looking after equipment eg a tennis racket, usually, you would say "don't drag the racket!" but instead say "keep the racket up" (motion holding racket up in the air) which can later be shortened to "racket up!" as a quick and effective reminder.

 

• "Swing this way" and if your child is anything like mine, they will need a reason "Because we want to keep the other children safe!", common would be saying "Don't hit the ball to them, face this way" which can leave the child focused on "them" or wondering why they want to face away from "them" when they want to engage with the others. You want the child to keep others safe and focus on the ball

 

• If your child has a favourite toy they just want to regulate with, the toy can play catch "__ is ready, are you?" hold the toy's arms open ready for the catch!

 

 

OUT AND ABOUT

 

• We are often tempted to say "don't run" when yelling "WALK!" instead is far more effective when trying to get your child to be safe.

 

• Using the word "together" reminds the child they must stay with you. It is a short and effective action word.

 

• Children often get hyped up when out and about, instead of feeling the need to control their hyperactivity use the word "calmly" as in "Calmly walk together"

 

• If your child is a runner, or little adventurer using the word "here" is a great action word that can help the child understand a safe boundary and keep their focus in the immediate area where you can see.

 

• Similarly using "be in this space" gives your child a place to be while feeling like they have some space to move.

 

 

OFF TO SCHOOL

 

• Your child may be nervous about going to school with so many unknowns. Saying "______ is picking you up" will help the child know they won't be left at school forever and that school time will end.

 

• Reassuring your child "I will see you before dinnertime" will help your child know that not only will school time end, but that they will see you again today!

 

• Your child may easily feel abandoned, so in place of being able to ask you (the safe person) for help you are able to reassure your child that "Mr(s) is here for you if you need help" letting them know that you, someone they trust, trusts their teacher to take care of them until they are safely back with you.

 

 

IN THE CLASSROOM

 

• If you do anything this year instead of telling a child to "stop/don't hit, kick, bite, smack" please tell them to "be gentle!" while many may immediately feel that saying "be gentle" won't address the issue, it draws the Childs attention to their immediate action and hopefully draws empathy out, even if it's not obvious straight away. Over time this can change to "we need to use gentle hands/feet/mouth" Whatever fits the negative can be adapted to draw the Childs attention to HOW to do it better next time, fixing the negative behaviour subtly, instead of drawing attention to it and focusing on the negative this will reinforce the positive.

 

• If a child doesn't know how to ask, or forgets how to ask appropriately, gently remind them "We ask like this ...". This will focus the Child's attention, again away from the negative and to the positively reinforced action we want to see them demonstrating while almost overriding the negative behaviour patterns without directly addressing them.

 

• The same goes with any negative actions taken during classroom time, saying "This is how you...." Doing the task is way more effective at reinforcing the behaviour you WANT your child to do.

 

• Do you have a child who flips out when not in control? Using "this one or this one" is called false choice and is great for children who like to be in control. eg. you are wanting the kids to colour and the child wants to do another activity, try asking "Do you want the red pencil or the blue crayon".

 

 

SIBLINGS

 

• A lot like everything above reminding your child "This is how we ask ..." is a positive way to reinforce and empower the child. This will work for many different things such as turn-taking or sharing with siblings, demanding in general and making any request in not the nicest way.

 

• Kids are often rough and tumble, often resulting in a lot of mean hands happening. "Gentle hands!" is a great reminder.

 

• A higher needs sibling can often be more forgetful at home than at school - if you have ever read the Coke bottle effect article - they hold it in all day and get bumped around and at home they flip their lid to release pressure. Often those with ADHD want constant engagement when others are tired, reminding these children "If you want to play ..." and telling them how to go about it is much more effective than punishment.

 

• Likewise, if your child is wanting to join in with a sibling or wants a turn at something, and they hit, kick, or as my daughters go to, tease their siblings you can interrupt the cycle by asking "Are you wanting a turn?" and then showing them how to ask.

 

I find these tips really helpful when doing things with my higher needs daughter who has autism and is booked in for an ADHD assessment in a few weeks.

 

Have you tried these tips before? Where they effective? Share your experience below!